It was the second night in the hospital after my daughter, my eldest, was born. My husband had spent the night in the hospital the first night of her life and the second night, I sent him home to get a good night’s rest. He had just left and they were taking my daughter to the nursery after I fed her. As they were strolling that bassinet out of the room – and I had my first moment alone since she was born – I burst into tears. The thought, “We are so screwed” just kept going through my head. Why were we screwed? Because I knew next to nothing about this little baby girl and I knew my whole entire future was going to be wrapped up in her. I was going to love her more than anything forever. I was going to bend myself into pretzels to do whatever I could for her, to protect her, to love her – and I had no idea how that looked and was pretty sure we would screw it up a lot along the way. I knew it was going to be an endless quest!
It was not a quest I resented or dreaded – mind you. (You might think that given the words, “We are so screwed.”!) It was just what was so. I felt how my world had transformed. It would never be the same. This little girl had a hold on me and I never wanted either of us to let go.
I knew then that my quest as a mother would make me neurotic. If I try to resist it, it’ll just make me more neurotic. So, I do my best to embrace my neurosis and encourage other mothers to do the same. Oh, and to talk about it – because then we know we’re not alone!
Join the conversation: What is one of your pivotal moments as a Mom?
